A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
