Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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