He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
