do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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