So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
