fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
