That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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