I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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