You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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