if i can run in heels then i can drive
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
