I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
