Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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