i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
