Just fell off a train. Bad.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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