Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
