she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
