So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
