the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
