I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
