the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
