So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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