My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
