Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
