So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
