I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
