Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
