Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
