she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
