This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
