the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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