i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I forget how to act sober
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
