The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
