oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
my liver is dry heaving
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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