i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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