yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
