Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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