i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
