im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I could fuck to npr.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Dear god my vagina.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
