just tell him i said nine months
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
