well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
