I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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