the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
