Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
