kristin has been a bad kristin
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
