i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i came on her dog
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
