I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
