Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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