I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
