marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
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