you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
