let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize
