Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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